Today I had my sons out to a small play room at a mall. We had some time to kill till it was time to pick up my daughter. There was already two women with their young infants (both around 9 months or younger) in the room chatting back and forth.
As my two boys flitted around from toy to toy, enjoying themselves but being wary of the babies and not getting in their way, I couldn't help but hear a lot of the chatter from the other mothers. Talk of losing the baby weight finally, the trials of going back to work, something about the fathers... I tend to try to block out when people talk about their husbands... I'll tell you why in a moment, but first, my first thoughts as I heard their banter.
The women spoke to each other with such tension about how they would breastfeed while trying to work and how exhausting it is to "try to do it all", and all I'm thinking is, "I wish that was all I had to deal with." I found myself wondering if they would react the same way if they knew what some parents go through that are their age. If they had a baby and were trying to figure out how to get to radiation appointments. If they had a toddler and needed to get their port flushed. If they had to miss reading their children bedtime stories because they were sick from chemotherapy. If they didn't have a choice about breastfeeding because they no longer had breasts.
I'm not saying their issues are not valid. They have every right to gripe about the stressors in their lives, we all do. What I'm saying is people constantly look at me with wide eyes and respond stuff like, "It puts things into perspective", when they hear I have cancer. I know what they're getting at but does everyone really need to have that reality check? Why can't I wish that that was the only problems I had and not feel guilty that if I did mention my cancer that the ensuing gasps and pity party would follow... and they most always do... Can't I mention my cancer and not have them instantly want to take back all their griping? I'm jumping around here... Let's backtrack to another train of thought for a sec.
The husband thing. I don't like listening to when strangers talk about their spouses, especially to other women because they badmouth them so much. They complain and bitch about so many things, and the listener responds like it's an acceptable occurrence!! A husband is not your "biggest child", and if they act like one, tell them to grow up or get out. Your husband is your partner, and if you guys don't understand that, then it's time to start talking to each other. It's okay if you have chores split as best as you both can manage, but don't act like a marriage is babysitting someone for life. And don't bad mouth your spouse behind his back like that. That's horrendous! If you say stuff like that, especially around your kids (!!!!), then what picture are you painting of the "love of your life" to people? You may not like it but you guys need to get to marriage counseling, and that's fine. Every marriage is different and you both need to learn how to communicate with each other.
Anywho, that's some rants for now... Now bed...