Depression can come on in many ways. It has different effects on the body for each person. Mine makes me low, I forget to eat because I'm not hungry, I cry a lot (reasons to follow, but they linger in my head like a pet dog that knows you're about to eat), I show no emotion, I pull out masks from my past so that I can appear "normal" and not have to deal with the "help" people think is useful... There's more but it's digging a deeper hole just typing this.
Some of the reasons I'm depressed lately, that I have been able to identify, are as follows. (P.S. thinking about the reasons causes the crying).
- Bills are adding up quick, making our savings disappear quicker than we can build them.
- I can't even try to get a job to help with income.
- Not being able to be self-sufficient and care fully for my children without assistance.
- Seeing that I have less support than so many others, including those I have always tried to stand by
I've come to the point that I don't know why I try, any more. I feel like an idiot for asking for help and that I should never have asked people to care about me. As I sit here feeling like pulling my hair out and throwing myself away, I feel everything and nothing. I feel tired of facades. I feel tired of games. I'm tired of having to try so hard to just get thrown aside. I'm just tired of life.